We all have emotional needs in our relationships, and that’s completely normal.
Having needs is different from being needy.
Being needy is when you depend on your partner completely for your emotional wellbeing.
There are many reasons it happens, but that’s a conversation for another day.
This one is about the mistakes you’re making without even realising it.
They show you’re needy, and they can quietly push your partner away.
5 Needy Habits You Don’t Realise Are Pushing Him Away
1. You Need Constant Reassurance That He Loves You
You’re allowed to be goofy with your partner and jokingly ask if he still loves you.
The problem starts when you ask it all the time, even though his actions consistently show you that he genuinely loves you.
When you need that reassurance every single day, it gets really exhausting, and it will wear him out.
You start reading every small change in how he communicates as a loss of interest in you.
We all have different things on our minds at different times.
You can’t expect the two of you to always be in sync, or to have your highs and lows at exactly the same time.
You don’t need to depend on outside reassurance to feel secure, especially when he hasn’t given you any reason to doubt him.
You don’t need reassurance like oxygen to know your partner loves you.
Your constant need for it will push him away instead of bringing him closer.
At the end of the day, it tells him you don’t trust that he loved you in the first place.
Keep doing it, and you’ll end up pushing away the very love you’re asking him to prove.
2. You Make His Attention The Centre Of Your Day
You expect constant texting and immediate replies from him.
When he’s busy with other responsibilities, you get anxious and jittery, and you feel on edge.
You start piecing together stories that aren’t there.
You neglect your own interests just to stay available, until you’re measuring your importance in his life by how much attention he gives you.
That doesn’t make any sense at all.
You had a life before you met this person, and you should keep living it.
Unless you didn’t have a life before him and were born specifically for this person.
Trust me, this man is going to feel choked and overwhelmed, and at the end of the day, he’ll start moving away from you.
The very attention you’re chasing will be the thing you lose.
You’ll be frustrated, he’ll be frustrated, and neither of you will get what you want.
So stop making his attention the centre of your day, and make yourself the centre of your own day.
You should have things you live for and things that make your heart beat.
When you make his attention your whole world and shove it down his throat, he will eventually move away or run from you.
3. You Keep Fishing For Compliments And Validation
It’s a different ball game when you’ve dressed up, or you’re not sure about what you have on, and you ask him how you look.
A little “how do I look?” after dressing up does no harm.
The problem is when it’s constant.
You’re always asking if you look good, or if he finds you attractive.
You practically submit a PowerPoint for his approval before you make personal decisions.
When he doesn’t offer compliments on his own, you feel rejected.
Your confidence starts to depend on his praise and his hype.
If you do this all the time, he’ll start searching the internet for ready-made compliments, because he knows you’ll soon come asking him to validate something you’re doing.
You need to live for yourself.
You don’t need to depend on this person to move, live, and find your being.
How were you living your life before you met this man?
You have a life, and he has a life with his own goals and ambitions.
If you don’t have goals and ambitions, that’s fine.
You can decide to be a baby girl and enjoy your life on your own terms without stressing another person out for it.
But if you keep fishing for his compliments and validation, you’ll wear him out, because it starts to come across as neediness instead of something genuine.
4. You Overexplain Yourself To Avoid Being Misunderstood
It’s okay to make an ordinary decision and leave it there.
But when you start writing lengthy messages to justify ordinary decisions and validate why you did something, it’s giving insecurity, sis.
You feel compelled to defend yourself against every misunderstanding, even the ones you only imagine.
It’s human nature to misunderstand each other sometimes.
You don’t have to write long messages or apologize excessively to stop someone from getting upset.
Personally, excessive apologies upset me, so you really don’t have to do that.
People do what they do for a reason, and you’re allowed to have yours.
You don’t have to abandon your position because you’re afraid of disappointing your partner.
Never confuse being understood with needing him to agree with everything you do, hook, line, and sinker.
Over-explaining is exhausting, and God, it wears the listener out.
When you give him 25 slides to prove why you need to buy something for yourself, or a whole thesis on why you need to do something for you, it doesn’t make any sense.
I’m not saying you should disrespect your partner by making decisions without him.
The key word here is over-explaining.
When you’re secure in yourself, you don’t live in fear of being misunderstood.
Your partner already knows you make good decisions, so the need to over-explain never comes up in the first place.
5. You Keep Giving More To Earn His Love
A needy person always feels like the love she gives is never enough.
You feel you have to keep proving to your partner that you’re a good partner.
You start doing things you don’t even like, just to stay desirable, because you know he likes them.
For instance, I don’t like walking long distances unless there’s somewhere I actually need to get to.
My husband, on the other hand, can walk long distances in short strides and enjoy every bit of it.
We simply like different things.
Imagine me constantly forcing myself through those long walks because my husband likes them.
That’s duress, and it would put real stress on my mental health.
You don’t have to overlook your own needs to keep someone happy.
When you expect your sacrifices to guarantee his commitment, the whole thing is messed up from the start.
Love can’t be earned through endless performance, and no amount of giving will ever feel like enough when you’re giving from fear.
You keep giving more and more until you’re empty, and then you keep giving anyway.
At that point, it’s a performance to keep earning his love.
That’s you being overly needy, and it will come back to bite you eventually.
You can need love without desperately chasing it.
Emotional needs are healthy, and you deserve to be loved in all your beautiful imperfections and shortcomings.
That doesn’t mean you should be messy about it.
Build a life and an identity that stays meaningful outside of your relationship.
The woman who doesn’t need to chase love is the one it stays with.
