The talking stage is a very interesting stage.

It’s where you get to know if you’re actually compatible with someone.

It’s the chemistry phase, the butterflies in your stomach phase.

It’s also the stage where you’re most likely to build expectations around someone.

That’s what makes it dangerous.

You might be building those expectations on his potential or your own view of him, instead of the reality of what’s actually at play.

So let’s talk about the rules, by my books, that will save you from heartbreak at the talking stage.

7 Talking Stage Rules That Save You From Heartbreak

1. Don’t Give Relationship Privileges Before He States Relationship Intentions

This is very common among women.

There’s a bit of cordial communication and mutual respect, and maybe the slightest hint that a relationship could happen.

Then you start giving him relationship privileges.

You cook for him, stay available to him, and cut off other options, as if you’re already his girlfriend.

Meanwhile, this man hasn’t even shown real relationship intentions.

You’re still in the getting-to-know-you phase.

But you’ve already built a whole world around this romantic interest.

You need to understand the difference between romantic interest and a genuine intention to commit.

Someone might just like the idea of you without wanting any form of commitment.

You, on the other hand, might want the whole traditional relationship setup.

So you start investing emotionally while he’s only enjoying the vibe.

Communication breeds fondness, but it doesn’t mean exclusivity by default.

Let commitment come through clear conversations and consistent actions.

Until then, keep the relationship privileges for when you’re actually in a relationship.

2. Pay Attention To Consistency, Not Just Chemistry

Chemistry happens in the butterflies-in-your-stomach phase.

Years back, I was talking to someone, and we were just getting to know each other.

We got along really well, and we were always hanging out.

We talked late into the night, and by early morning we were back at it.

Then, along the line, I didn’t hear from him for a while.

That was unlike him, so I noticed, and I started asking questions.

When I finally heard from him, he told me he had been busy with his daughter’s christening.

This was a man I didn’t even know was married when we started talking.

If I had been focused only on the butterflies in my tummy and ignored that break in his consistency, I might have walked into something I never wanted to be part of.

I would have set myself up for heartbreak.

So learn the difference between intense attraction and genuine compatibility.

Watch whether his words match his actions.

Don’t get carried away by one isolated grand gesture.

Focus on what he does consistently over time.

Notice how he treats you and how he handles things.

Check whether what he says actually lines up with what he does.

Chemistry gets your attention, but consistency is what tells you the truth.

3. Ask About His Intentions Early

I’m of the school of thought that when two adults meet, you should find out what the other person wants from you and from life in general.

As a woman, I need you to stop placing your whole worth on being in a relationship.

Don’t look for validation in having a significant other.

Place your worth on your own individuality.

That way, you’ll understand that people come to you with different intentions.

And you won’t feel crazy for asking a man what he wants from you when he approaches you.

Women have been made to feel like asking about intentions early is a sign of desperation.

I beg to disagree.

I was once talking to someone at a point when I wanted something serious.

He, on the other hand, wanted something like “let’s see how it goes.”

I took no offence when he said it, because I knew it was another catchphrase for “I don’t want anything serious,” and that wasn’t a problem for me.

But asking that question helped me put things in perspective.

It stopped me from setting my expectations too high.

I didn’t start building a mental timeline for when things would move to the next level with him.

When you ask about intentions, you open the door to talking about commitment and what each of you values.

You’ll also notice the clues when his answers are vague or evasive.

It’s okay for two people to want different things out of life.

Once you know, you can decide whether to go with the flow with him or back out and stand on solid ground.

4. Don’t Ignore Red Flags Because You Like Him

A person is not likely to change his whole life because he loves you.

It’s delusional to think you can love someone into changing.

I’m not saying people can’t adjust or compromise for the person they love.

But when something is a real red flag for you, a proper deal breaker, and you still believe you can love him out of it, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

You need to separate your attraction and fondness for him from an honest look at how he behaves.

Know your own red flags, and don’t ignore them.

What you ignore now as an embryo will eventually be born as a baby and grow into a whole ass life.

Stop making excuses for repeated disappointment.

His potential can never replace the character he has already shown you.

5. Keep Your Own Life Active

I understand the excitement of talking to someone new, someone you might build a life with.

The whole experience can be very intoxicating.

But that doesn’t mean you should let go of your friendships, hobbies, work, or personal goals.

It doesn’t mean you should organise your entire day around his availability.

You have to keep living your own life.

When you let the connection grow without abandoning your routines, it’s healthier, and you have much more to look forward to.

Keep this at the back of your mind: your identity exists outside his romantic attention.

And it’s still just romantic attention, not even a relationship.

Even in marriage, you maintain your identity.

How much more with someone who is only expressing interest in you?

6. Don’t Assume You’re Exclusive Without Having The Conversation

If you haven’t had any conversation about exclusivity, you haven’t actually committed to each other.

Don’t assume things because you’ve been talking consistently for five months, fourteen hours a day.

Don’t assume you’re exclusive when you don’t even know what you’re having.

That sets you up for heartbreak.

You’ll assume you’re exclusive and try to hold him accountable, and the whole thing will come crashing down.

He’ll hit you with questions like, “Did I ask you out?”

“Did I say you’re my girlfriend?”

“When did I say this, and when did I do that?”

“I thought we were just having a good time and enjoying each other’s company.”

So make your decisions based on what you’ve both actually agreed to.

Be honest about your own expectations and boundaries from the start.

7. Know When To Walk Away

When you recognise that your intentions and his don’t match, it’s time to step back.

I remember a time when I was actively dating, and there was a guy I was talking to.

Out of the blue, he asked me to loan him a certain amount of money.

I didn’t see it as a big deal, so I loaned it to him.

He never mentioned paying me back.

I think it’s been three years now, and he still hasn’t mentioned returning my money.

That was a deal breaker for me.

If you can borrow money from someone you’re not even dating and not bother to return it, you could do worse.

You could take bigger things from me and never feel accountable for any of it.

I genuinely cancelled him from the list of men I could even consider dating at that point.

That was the end of whatever interest I might have had in him.

When a man shows you who he is early, you don’t need to wait for a bigger lesson.

 

Get to know someone without losing yourself.

The talking stage is an opportunity to assess someone, and it doesn’t guarantee a relationship.

Not everybody you talk to has to be a potential boyfriend or a potential husband.

Learn to enjoy the moment and enjoy getting to know people.

These experiences make your life full, and one day you’ll look back and laugh at some of those crazy periods.

Enjoy the conversation, and let his actions decide whether it ever becomes anything more.