Hi Siri!
Play me someone like you by Adele or Las Las by Burnaboy ‘cause it’s time to say goodbye!
Let’s talk about breakups.
You know, those gut-wrenching, soul-crushing moments when you feel like a character in a sad indie movie, wandering through life in emotional turmoil.
Hi there!
I’m here to share my personal (and some of my friends), highly emotional, and, let’s be real, sometimes laughable experience of navigating the post-breakup waters.
So, if you’re reading this with a box of tissues and a pint of ice cream, you’re in the right place.
We’ll be considering the top 10 things NOT to do after a breakup, sprinkled with some humor and lessons learned the hard way.
10 Things You Should Never Do After a Breakup (If You Want to Heal and Move On Fast)
1. Don’t Stalk Their Social Media
Let me confess:
After the breakup, I came on WhatsApp on a random day, and I saw his post saying, “You don’t know how much time you’ve wasted with them until you’ve left them.”
For me now, I wasn’t stalking him; I just stumbled upon that post.
And he deleted almost immediately without even knowing that I saw it.
It was after that that I started stalking to see what other crazy opinions he had about me.
But the more I stalked, the more miserable I became.
So, I truly understand you.
The temptation to scroll through your ex’s Instagram, Facebook, or even LinkedIn is strong.
But trust me, it’s a one-way ticket to Crazytown.
Do I tell you about when I found out that he was already in another relationship just a month after we broke up?
And when I started adding things up, I discovered he was already nursing that relationship before we broke up.
I was hurting myself emotionally.
Heaven knows I’d have healed way sooner if I’d muted him way sooner.
You don’t want to know what your ex thinks about you or how they are living after your breakup.
What you want to do is heal, get yourself together, and move on.
2. Don’t Text Them When You’re Drunk
Being buried in alcohol is not the best thing for you after a breakup.
But if you somehow found yourself drunk, the last person you should text is your ex.
When you’re drunk, you’re vulnerable and not thinking straight.
I remember how my friend, fueled by a lethal combo of tequila and nostalgia, thought it was a brilliant idea to text her ex a lengthy message about “how much he meant to her” and “why they should get back together.”
Guess what, he left her on read.
The next morning, when she saw the garbled, emotional text, she wanted the ground to swallow her.
Drunk texts are like verbal vomit, regrettable and messy.
If you ever have to drink (which you shouldn’t), hide your phone.
I promise you, you’ll be glad you did.
3. Don’t Start A Rebound Relationship
I’ve entered a situationship a few weeks after a breakup, and I’ve stayed for 2 years before getting into another relationship; I recommend allowing yourself to heal from the last relationship before you get into the next.
I know how it goes: you get out of one relationship, and it’s like you’re in a competition with your ex on who moves on first.
Or you feel like the best way to forget an ex is to find a new partner.
But the truth is, rebound relationships rarely end well.
You can’t use a band-aid for a broken bone, it’s completely ineffective.
See how you jump into dating, thinking it would fill the void, only to realize you are comparing every new date to your ex.
It is not only unfair to them, you’re also draining yourself out emotionally.
You need to understand that healing has to come from within, not from someone new.
And when you don’t give yourself ample time to heal, you will only spend time hurting yourself and the innocent person.
So, take your time.
There’s no need to rush back into the dating pool.
4. Don’t Drastically Change Your Appearance
I remember when I was in a situationship with someone for a while, and he came to me one day to say he didn’t find me sexually attractive.
For days, I wondered if I was truly not beautiful or sexy enough.
Maybe if my finances weren’t low, I’d have thought of doing some body enhancement.
And we see a lot of people on this table today.
They break up, and the next thing they’re thinking of is makeovers that will make them look shiny.
You just want to do something different that will make you feel like you started afresh.
Post-breakup makeovers can be empowering… or disastrous.
While changing up your look can be fun, making drastic changes immediately after a breakup can sometimes be a cry for help disguised as “self-expression.”
It’s okay to want to look different, but I’ll say you should wait until your emotions are stable before making any major transformations.
Plus, there are some transformations you may do that are irreversible.
You want to embark on them only when you are completely sure so that you don’t put yourself in a tight spot.
5. Don’t Isolate Yourself
Isolation is a breeding ground for depression and every other adverse health situation.
Your mental health challenges want you to isolate yourself and stay in a dark place so that it can pull you in and keep you broken.
One of my friends had a breakup and became a hermit.
She avoided friends, ignored calls, and binge-watched sad movies while eating her weight in junk food.
We tried all we could to reach her, but we couldn’t.
She was always locked in her room.
I know that wallowing in self-pity can feel cathartic, but isolation only deepens the sadness.
We had to go in and pull down her door, then drag her out of her apartment before she realized that human interaction was what she needed.
I saw my friend laugh for the first time in weeks and felt a glimmer of hope.
I know everyone wants to act like a relationship therapist and advise you, but you shouldn’t push people away.
They’re there to support you, and sometimes, a good laugh with friends is the best medicine.
6. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex
Now, this one is very difficult, especially if you are with someone who did their worst.
I’ve been there.
There’s nothing this guy didn’t do to me.
I was a victim, yes, and I didn’t hesitate to recount the story to anyone who cared to listen.
But trust me, it’s not worth it.
While it felt good in the moment, it eventually made me look petty and bitter.
And away from how it made me look, I realized I wasn’t making any progress with healing as long as I kept my focus on how I was hurt.
I had to stop.
I was wronged, but I needed to forgive him to move on.
It’s been years now, and I realize that if I ever have to mention what he did to me, it’s never with pain.
Plus, I no longer tell the full story.
I only say the part that’s necessary for the conversation where it came up.
Keeping the drama low-key has helped me maintain my dignity and heal faster.
7. Don’t Try To “Win” The Breakup
If you love yourself, the last thing you want to do is get into a competition with someone who doesn’t love you anymore.
First off, if they loved you, you wouldn’t need to be in competition with them.
It is unhealthy.
Who’s happier? Who’s moved on faster? Who’s “winning”
Such a ridiculous way to put yourself through more emotional trauma.
After the breakup, I found myself trying to appear perfectly fine on social media, posting pictures of myself having a blast, hoping my ex would see and feel a pang of jealousy.
But how would I even know if he saw it, or if he felt a pang of jealousy?
Trying to “win” the breakup is just a waste of energy.
True happiness comes from within, not from trying to one-up someone else.
The only person you should focus on competing with is the person you were yesterday.
If you give yourself time to heal properly, you’ll be truly happy.
And you wouldn’t need to win someone to be happy.
8. Don’t Neglect Self-Care
During the initial stages of my breakup, self-care went out the window.
Oh! Tell me about days away from exercising, terrible eating patterns, and days of insomnia. It didn’t take too long before I started feeling like a zombie.
Because when you’re severed from that person you thought you’d spend all your life with, you begin to feel like the world has ended for you and that there’s no meaning to all these things.
You’re not the only one here.
A lot of people have felt this way and still went on to find another love of their life.
So you can’t throw yourself away because one person walked out the door.
Taking care of your physical health is crucial, especially when your emotional health is in turmoil.
Consider starting small: daily walks, cooking healthy meals, and setting a sleep schedule.
Slowly but surely, you’ll begin to feel better.
Remember that self-care isn’t just bubble baths and face masks (though those are great).
You need to actually nurture your body and soul into healing
So get out of that blanket and get yourself back together.
9. Don’t Keep Reliving The Past
You know how they break up with you and try to convince you that it’s no fault of yours?
I think that thing is just lame.
I personally think that if someone has done something that warrants a breakup, just let them know it.
It will help them know what to work on if it happens that they want to work on themselves.
I’m sure other overthinkers can relate to this.
Someone breaks up with the “it’s not you, it’s me” line and expects you to just take that and be happy.
But here you are, replaying memories in your head, analyzing every conversation, and trying to pinpoint where things went wrong.
It’s like your brain was stuck in a loop, torturing you with all the “what ifs” and “if onlys.”
But the issue is that living in the past doesn’t let you move forward.
It’s important to process your feelings, but there’s a fine line between reflection and obsession.
You’ll eventually learn to accept that what’s done is done and start focusing on the future.
It is not easy, but it is necessary if you truly want to heal.
10. Don’t Give Up On Love
I know this one was a pretty rough one, but this isn’t the time to give up.
After a painful breakup, it’s easy to become jaded and swear off relationships forever.
I know because I did for a while.
I was convinced that love was just a cruel joke and that I was better off alone.
But one thing about me?
I’ll fall in love over and over again.
The way love makes life rich and meaningful?
It is definitely worth the risk.
If we were wired to do life alone, I promise you we’d never have been made in pairs.
So yes, take some time off.
Build yourself and become a better person, but don’t give up on love.
Because the good one is coming, and it should meet you as a good person when it arrives.
Love is a gamble, but the rewards are worth it.
Breakups are brutal, but they’re also a chance for growth and self-discovery.
My journey through heartbreak taught me valuable lessons about self-love, resilience, and the importance of laughter, even in the darkest times.
So, if you’re navigating a breakup, remember, don’t stalk your ex, don’t text drunk, and definitely don’t give up on yourself or love.
Embrace the chaos of emotions, lean on your support system, and find humor in the chaos.
Because at the end of the day, breakups are just a chapter in your story, not the entire book.
And who knows?
The next chapter could be your best one yet.
