If he says he’s not ready for a relationship but still wants to talk, let’s unpack what he’s actually telling you.
He says he’s not ready, but he keeps texting.
He compliments you, he checks in and maybe even flirts a little.
So naturally, you wonder… “If he truly didn’t want me, why won’t he leave me alone?”
You’re not crazy for being confused.
But let’s be honest about what’s happening here.
When a man says he’s not ready, but still wants to “stay in touch,” he’s not offering you hope.
He’s offering you a holding pattern.
A relationship purgatory where you’re neither fully together nor completely apart.
And in that gray space, only one person typically gets their needs met.
(Hint: It’s not you.)
Here’s what it actually means when he says he’s not ready but still wants to talk:
If He Says He’s Not Ready for a Relationship But Still Wants to Talk: This Is What It Really Means
1. He Enjoys the Emotional Benefits Without the Responsibility
This guy has seen that you’re emotionally available.
You always available to listen when he’s had a bad day.
You remember his mom’s birthday.
You ask thoughtful questions about his goals.
You celebrate his wins.
You comfort him through his losses.
In return, you get crumbs of connection but none of the commitment.
Those “good morning” texts.
Those “thinking of you” messages that arrive, conveniently only comes through when he’s feeling lonely.
Those occasional deep conversations that remind you of what could be.
He’s not asking for space to work on himself to be that man for you, he’s asking to keep the perks without the work.
Translation: He’s not ready to date you, but he’s more than ready to be emotionally comforted by you.
2. He’s Keeping the Door Slightly Open Just in Case
This is the classic “maybe someday” trap.
This has played out a couple of times with my friends and it hurts me so much to see high flying women be an option in the life of who they consider a priority.
He doesn’t want to fully let you go not because he’s certain about you but because he’s uncertain about who else might be out there.
You’re his backup plan.
His safety school.
His “well, if nothing better comes along” option.
You’re not Plan A.
You’re the emotional safety net.
You’re the person he knows will answer his call at 10 PM when the date he actually wanted didn’t work out.
You’re his “just in case,” not his “I’m sure.”
3. He’s Confused But Not Enough to Let You Go
Yes, he may be genuinely confused which i understand because relationships can be complicated.
But in all of this, timing matters.
People have baggage and I’m not saying his confusion isn’t real.
But if he’s confused and still holding onto you, he’s choosing his comfort over your clarity.
He’s choosing to process his feelings with you still attached to the outcome.
He’s choosing to keep you in limbo while he figures himself out not in a way that feels like he is gaining clarity for the future ahead of you as a couple.
He is confuse as to whether he want you or not, hence his indecision.
Sis, indecision is a decision.
And keeping you on standby is a very loud no in slow motion.
Someone who is confused about you doesn’t deserve consistent access to you.
4. He Likes the Attention But Isn’t Ready to Give It Back
Sometimes, it’s not about you at all.
It’s about the fact that you represent validation, affection and ego boost for him.
The way you light up when he texts you.
The way you’re always there when he reaches out.
The way your attention makes him feel important, valuable, cherished and desired.
Don’t be fooled.
He’s not emotionally available.
He’s emotionally dependent on your presence, your admiration.
On the way you make him feel about himself.
He is just an energy sucking wizard who wants your energy without offering any of his own.
5. He’s Afraid to Be Alone But Also Afraid to Commit
There are so many men out there who do not want to be alone but also afraid to commit to one woman.
As such, he keeps talking to you so you can fill a space he doesn’t want to face.
He doesn’t want to handle the silence when no one is texting him.
The lone Saturday nights with no plans.
The emotional void he’s not ready to sit with.
Not because he’s evil.
But because he’s emotionally unprepared.
And keeping you around eases that fear.
Quick one, are you an emotional band-aid?
Because I see no reason why you should be the one to hold that space for any man.
You are not responsible for managing his fear of solitude.
You are not the space-filler between his self-awareness and his next relationship.
You are a whole person deserving of someone who sees you as a destination, not a rest stop.
6. He Wants You to Wait Without Saying the Words
By “staying in touch,” he’s creating the illusion that something might happen later.
That with enough time, enough patience, enough understanding on your part, he’ll eventually be ready.
Meanwhile, you’re putting your heart on pause.
Hesitating when someone new shows interest.
Comparing everyone to him.
Holding out hope that your investment will eventually pay off.
Waiting for a return that may never come.
The bitter truth is that: If he’s not sure about you now, the passage of time alone won’t make him fall.
He’s not asking for time.
He’s asking for freedom while keeping you emotionally tethered.
7. He Knows You Deserve More He’s Just Hoping You Won’t Realize It Yet
Deep down, he knows he’s not giving you what you need because he actually sees your worth and recognizes your value.
He understands what you’re bringing to the table.
But as long as you stay in this half-relationship, he doesn’t have to grow.
He doesn’t have to change.
He doesn’t have to risk losing your love by admitting he can’t give you what you’re asking for.
At the end, he’s hoping your self-worth doesn’t wake up before he makes up his mind.
8. He Doesn’t Want You But Doesn’t Want Anyone Else to Have You Either
This one hurts.
Some people don’t choose you yet still want to possess you emotionally.
They hover in your life.
They linger in your messages.
They drop breadcrumbs just substantial enough to keep you from moving on completely.
They panic when you start dating someone new.
They resurface when you finally seem happy without them.
Not because they’ve had a change of heart about being with you.
But because they’ve realized someone else might value what they took for granted.
Love doesn’t confuse, control does.
When a man says he’s not ready but doesn’t let you go, believe his actions, not his check-ins.
You are not someone’s maybe.
You are not a placeholder until he’s “ready.”
You are not an option to be kept on the back burner until something more certain comes along for him.
If he can’t choose you with clarity, you’re allowed to choose yourself with certainty.
You’re allowed to close the door he’s trying to keep propped open.
You’re allowed to delete the number he only uses when it’s convenient.
You’re allowed to ignore the “how are you” text that leads nowhere but more confusion.
You’re allowed to decide that “not ready” means “not right.”
Because a man who sees your worth doesn’t risk losing you to ambivalence.
A man who truly cares about you either steps up or steps aside completely.
He doesn’t keep you in emotional orbit around him while he decides if you’re worth landing for.
You deserve clarity, not crumbs.
You deserve certainty, not confusion.
You deserve someone who doesn’t need to lose you before recognizing they should have chosen you all along.