For you to be reading this, it means you have already assessed the situation you are in.
I want you to know that this took me quite a number of days to come up with, and for me to sit down and write through it, I am either confirming what you already know or validating that you should probably leave.
I am just here to tell you the truth, like I always do, and I will not be sugarcoating anything.
How to Know If Your Situationship Will Ever Become Real
1. Look at What Has Actually Changed Over Time
This one is a bit dicey because people naturally grow with time.
They tend to treat people better as they understand them more, and after spending a lot of time with someone, they begin to know what you like and what you do not like.
Do not mistake that for this man paying attention to you or being loving.
He might just be comfortable at this point.
What you need to pay attention to is whether there is concrete movement in terms of emotional investment toward you.
Progress shows, and stagnation shows too.
Pay attention to the real moments, the moments where you genuinely needed a support system from your lover.
Did he fill that gap, or was he more like a placebo, present but not actually doing what needs to be done?
You should be able to detect the difference between actual progress and someone just being comfortable.
2. Watch What He Does When It Costs Him Something
It is very easy for anybody to do things for someone from a place of convenience or comfort.
But when it actually costs something, when it requires real sacrifice, does he do it without batting an eyelid?
Or does he take a long time to weigh the opportunity cost and what it could mean for him in the near or far future?
That calculation is the very information you need.
Whether it does not cost him a second of thought or whether it takes days, weeks, or even consultation with friends, like he is running it by a specialist, that right there tells you where you stand.
The hesitation is the answer.
3. Pull Back and See If He Moves Toward You
A lot of people mistake response for actual reaching out, and this is very common in situationships.
The fact that this guy responds to you when you text does not mean he is actually reaching out to you.
If you stopped reaching out to him today, would you still be communicating?
Or would it be a case of two weeks of silence before he sends something like “you’ve forgotten about me.”
Check the sequence of your conversations honestly.
Are you the one always initiating?
If you step back right now, will he feel the distance and move toward you to close that gap?
That question alone has your answer.
4. Notice How He Handles Conversations About Clarity
I am always of the opinion that if you have developed feelings for someone beyond friendship, it is better to communicate than to stay in the dark, especially when you are getting mixed signals.
Some people might say it is not a woman’s place to bring up the conversation, but I do not believe that, especially when you have spent a significant amount of time with someone and genuinely want to know where you stand.
Now, if he tries to deflect from that conversation, if he avoids the topic of clarity entirely, if he makes a joke out of it, or redirects every time you get close to a definition, you have your answer.
The avoidance itself is the definition.
He does not want to name it because keeping it unnamed works perfectly for him.
5. Check Whether He Has Actually Claimed You in Front of the People Who Matter
I am not talking about him bringing you around.
I am not talking about people seeing you together and assuming things.
Of course, anyone can see two people together and think they are just close friends or siblings.
I am talking about him actually introducing you as his woman to the people who matter most in his life.
Does he claim you?
Does the closest person in his life know who you are to him, not by assumption, but because he told them?
If he has not, then the painful truth is that you are unclaimed.
And unclaimed is not a position you should be comfortable staying in.
6. Pay Attention to Whether Your Future Naturally Includes Each Other
I remember being in a relationship with someone who is now my ex, and I found myself naturally factoring him into everything I was planning because I saw him in my future at that point.
And then I noticed that he was making travel plans, mapping out his future, and I was genuinely waiting to see where I would feature in any of it.
That was a reality check for me.
It made me understand very clearly where I stood with him, and other things eventually led to the end of that relationship.
So ask yourself honestly, when you imagine your future, is he naturally in it?
And when he talks about his future, are you in it without you having to put yourself there?
Or are you imagining yourself in a future he has not actually invited you into?
7. Ask Yourself What You Would Tell Your Best Friend
Strip away everything, the feelings, the history, the hope, and imagine your best friend sitting across from you describing this exact situation.
Same timeline.
Same patterns.
Same moments of hope followed by the same stagnation.
What would you tell her?
You would not tell her to wait a little longer.
You would not tell her the signs are unclear.
You would look her in the eye and say exactly what you already know.
So give yourself the same honesty you would give the person you love most.
Because you deserve at least that much from yourself.
A situationship that is becoming real will show you without you having to look this hard.
The fact that you are searching for signs instead of seeing them naturally is its own kind of answer.
Trust what the pattern has been telling you, not the moments, not the words, the pattern.
That has never lied to you.
